It's Going Somewhere..

Alright alright, so I never got my ears even started. I'll admit I tried but it wasn't going to well and I somehow got distracted. On the flip side I have a little work left to be done and then my feet will be ready for when my fur arrives! Wfter which I'll be posting pictures I need to make a duct tape dummy of one of my legs so I could better my digitgrade cause I am paranoid of them being Bad_Fur worthy. ;-; And being that the fur wont bedirectly attached I'll be using them for other suits/cosplay so I want to do this once and doing it GREAT. I just hope I get it done in time as well as figure the pattern for NYAF/CC. I seriously have to procrastinate less. x-x My legs are something I can come home after work and do. Unlike my feet which are being made with 2 glues that I require ventilaition for thus outsideness. Most of my fur shipped the white which I picked over another cause it wasn't in stock turned around into backorder itself, not due till the week before the con and now I'm kinda stuck and hoping it comes sooner or I can siwtch it for what I origianlly wanted which the DAY AFTER I ordered was in stock though it wasn't suppoed to be for about another week and by then the 4 yards I needed for 85% of the outfit would have been gone. Fuck. Hopfully I can work something out as they are the same price. As long as I don't have to pay shipping.
Returned the Brother machine and got a Janome which though has less stitches feels sterdier, a friendly person a call away to help me, and I have someone directly to take it to if something happens along with a 27 year warrentee. None of which I got from Sears. As much as I liked all the fancy stitches I don't need them right now and if anything I'll get a cheaper machine just for them when I have more sewing experience and mom has some, but damn was it fun and I even have my first tail that was born of testing it! 

Birthday celebrations were pushed to this week becuase of Hurricane Irene. >_>My first hurricane and it was kinda meh but the aftermath was cool, and nobody was killed, here I don't even think we had minor injuries which was good. Though anymoney I thought I was going to get couldn't be used to donate to an rp site I'm on for a new chat. ;-; I still plan to but I won't make the deadline they had for the discounted price... I feel bad for mentioning that I would now too...
Anywho back to my feet and then to roleplays!


To MOI! Well almost, 3 more days! -wiggles-
DIDN'T get my ears done had to go to a family reunion and oh yea deal with kidney stones, that was fun so no progress has been made all month i feel terrible, I'm not going to get this done. ;-; Though I for my birthday I wanted and got(so far) one thing. A big girl sewing machine! =D It's not quite the one I had in mind but no one wants to take a shelp so far to the specialty sewing place, gonna have to PT it there my self, hopefully I 'll find one there I like since they have demos and know what they are daling with. Sears SUCKED for both of these. >_>
Then JoAnn's is RIGHT THAR so I'm going to stop in there and fwee around a store for a while while my boyfreinds acts like he doesn't know me.  Got plans for 2 other particals x-x Obviously haven't started on either, but I REALLY want to get to sewing but I have no fur to even start my umbreon. ;-; I'm just hoping it doesn't look too off with white markings rather then the noremal shiny blue, I can't seem to fidn the right color in  anything but long pile. :/ so I'm settleing with not just any shiny umreon but my own special umbreon Mamoru, cause I loves him so. x3
Should get my fur I won n Furbuy tomorrow, gonna test my machine and make a tail then make sure the pattern I made for my paws fits, Cut out my foam for my legs, and then make a DTD while I wait for my fur fter I order it.

Matter of fact! I think there is some Crayola clay here from when i was younger, gonna try out ear shapes.


After much debate I think I will work on my head yes BUT I will not wear it for ComicCon/NYAF. That or I will wear it Sat night and possibly make a walk on during the show. That means EARS MUST BE WORKED ON NEXT WEEKEND, or even during the week after work if I'm not popped, though just in case I don't get my legs don't in time I need to also have my previous gijinka fixed up and have a second set of ears for it. The head WILL be done for I-Con next year, Hell maybe the suit since I have been there twice and I know I can handle not seeing some things. XD In the city I'm a camera nut so I need to see.

Although.... If I get to work on the head and it's done in time I might be able to gauge the visibly and bring it as well. Damn.... A 3/4 suit, most all aspects I have never done or dealt with before and I expect to have it done by early Oct... On the assumption I'll get a sewing machine for my birthday... The hell was I thinking?! Not backing out now. I have my paws shaped, supplies ready and fur picked out. Should be able to get that ordered with my next check, at least I hope so. I'm just waiting for the fur I want to go on sail and hope that being they don't screw me over so I don't get it done in time. Tomorrow I hope can get to start on my legs maybe cut them little by little after work, make the pattern and have to ready to order the fur before or on my birthday.
Fingers crossed, I did MUCH better than I thought I would on my paws, hopefully my obsession with being perfect constant searching of tutorials and pictures and resources will help me make this suit awesome and my best!

Least I couldn't find all my required classes for the semester! One less thing to worry about!. =3

Don't Tell Me You Do [KakaIru]

Inspired by/Based off: Rockapella's song of the same name.
Rating: G
Timeline: Shortly after the news in Chapter 489 Though no obvious spoilers.
Length: 1293
Summery: He hated it But it had to be done. No matter how much it hurt the two of them. After his visit Kakashi had no idea who his actions hurt more.
Edited 9-2-11: Many thanks to my wonderful new beta denilmo!

Iruka's home was silent; the only sound, if one listened carefully, was that of his pen scratching against the paper of the worksheets laid out over his desk. A sudden soft knock on the door pulled him from his work; he checked over one more answer before getting up to answer, following the second knock. He opened the door and his expression instantly turned sour, his arms crossing defensively over his chest, "Good evening, Kakashi-san."

Hearing that voice call him like that made Kakashi's heart sink, the gravity suddenly feeling stronger and pulling his whole form down. The sight he walked into wasn't going to make this any easier. The chunin his black undershirt that outlined every well trained muscle and a pair of loose pants that showed his obvious fondness of them by the wear on them. His hair was down, just as he adored it. He remembered when Iruka would do his work on the living room floor leaning against the couch. Kakashi would sit behind him on the couch with his legs on either side of him, tenderly running his fingers though that beautiful curtain of brown as he read. He could remember doing that barely two months ago.

He realized he had been silent for too long when Iruka greeted him. There was a reason he had come here. He had heard Iruka wasn't his usual self lately; he did his duty as a teacher and what he had to in the mission room, but beyond that he was nowhere to be seen. Even if someone had seen him out on the street when he went shopping he still didn't seem to be all there. Kakashi knew he was the reason for it and felt he should be the one to check on him. He had even gone to some lengths to stop Anko from being the one here. "Iruka... I just wanted to see how you were doing..." He said, almost timid.

There was a hint of a sickened chuckle when Iruka shook his head. "You don't have a clue of how you've blown my life apart. You've just got no idea..."

Three quarters of their lives they had known each other and nearly half of it they spent together. Their lives had become one long ago; to have it suddenly pulled apart like that couldn't be done cleanly. But Kakashi was quite aware; both had their loved ones stolen in their early lives. Both, in their own way, refused to let the same thing happen to them again, only then to find each other, to slowly allow one another close. They had promised to deny even death from pulling them apart and as sincere they had been, as sure that they would hold true to it, it was still a foolish act. Such a forever was apparently short lived.

"I know how you must be fee-"

"NO! I don't wanna hear it, Kakashi!" Iruka barked, cutting him off, his vision blurring with the threat of tears.

The silver haired man stood silent, the pain of watching the man he once held as a lover looking at him with fury and his own pain that made him want to throttle him yet throw himself against him and believe this all to be a dream.

"Don't tell me that you cry in your sleep each night; don't say you spend each hour wondering 'what wasn't right.' Do you stare into the mirror thinking what is it you should change?" Unable to hold them at bay, the tears began in a small trickle that went for the moment ignored. "Thinking it all through, clawing your way through what had been to find out where things went wrong."

He was anything but proud; he was sickened with himself, physically ill that this was what happened to him. Kakashi actually winced at his words. No, that's not what he did; it had been trained out of him, and he was ashamed. Rather he beat himself up over it.

Obviously the wound was still painfully fresh and he had come too soon. But he couldn't help it. He did still, in fact, love him. Kakashi took a step forward. "Iru, please listen to me. I feel absolutely...." He couldn't even fathom a word to describe it. He felt it pained him to wake up each morning, reaching over to find there was no Iruka and he wasn't coming back. He knew very well how it felt.

The teacher scoffed, pushing down the slight warmth of hearing the fond nickname brought. "I guess you thought that this little visit could wipe away the guilt you're feeling. I have to say you are asking for too much, too soon. Whatever you do, please don't ask me to say everything's okay," he paused biting his lip, closing his eyes and looking away. "‘Cause honestly, it's not."

Iruka looked up with the smallest hint of a smile, as his chest tightened and burned while the hand clenched against it in a knuckle whitening fist. Kakashi could see it and his own hands tightened with the restraint not to wrap his arms around his chunin, well not his anymore, to kiss away the tears and whisper away the pain.

"Ask me if I still love you. Surely I do and I can tell you that won't change. I couldn't suddenly stop after so long."

Neither could I, Kakashi mentally told him.

How? Kakashi asked the same question he asked himself for months before among others: How could he do this? How was he able to do it? How would he cope?

He had his reasons and he told himself that it had to be done before it was too late. Death would over power and he knew that. Yet, he still found himself believing that they could win, though not alone.

"Just tell me... where do I go from here?" Kakashi quietly pleaded. He had dealt with death many a time in his life and by now he had grown used to it, but this pain of the living he would have to say is much, much worse. To stand back and watch, to know he was within reach, that with time and words he would have them back, to have all this before him, but still have them farther than ever was not something he was used to. None of his training could prepare him for something that wasn't even of the touchable world to cause the pain capable of a massive solid weapon.

Iruka gently shook his head, he was now crying without restraint. Given up (unless for style, I’d say either add a semicolon and say ‘he had given up’ or just put He before ‘given up’ to make it complete). "I don't know..." he answered solemnly, barely above a whisper.

A shaky hand reached for the door handle. They both knew the conversation was over. "G-Good night," he stated, and was answered by the slightest nod, that lone darkened eye covered by what was normally vibrant and lively spiked silver.

The door was closed before him and with a burst of smoke Kakashi was just beyond the area, his legs swiftly carrying him out to a training clearing. With nothing less than a roar, a gloved fist slammed into the ground; the force sent a rippling wave as it caved beneath him. He didn't even notice the tears till he felt a spreading wetness on his mask.

On the other side of that door was a crumbled mass of black and brown, a suppressed sob causing his body to quake. Had he seen his last words? Did he read his lips of what he hoped would be his remembrance?

"I'll miss you."

Well.. well.. well...

Here I am.  I will be blaming TimePhilosopher of Deviantart for bringing me here.
Though I have been visiting here recently for a number of things, fanfics, cosplay tutorials, fursuit info and such, blah blah blah. I'll be adding some fictions, which I also hope to find betas for, my own cosplay and con information and whatever the hell else I think will matter and fit here. Oh and some cats. Gotta have cats when it comes to anything on the interwebs. Lets see... I'll also be looking for constant Yaoi rolplay partners being the addict I am, hopefully making some con buddies -hinthinwinkwinkNYCCAF- Finding a few buddies in general that enjoy the nerdy but also the non nerdy crap I do. 

So right not I have to get up my roleplay info, finish chapter two of my FIRST MULTI CHAPTER FIC! -wiggles- Post up the first then start on the third before getting to putting the second up, finish a one shot and get it up here, put up another on shot. Probably be a good idea to join a community in which to post said one shots. Find and track some cosplay and suit communities/post as well.. -mumbles jotting down things on a note pad-
I'll uh.. get back to you. Gotta get used to this t